Maturity starts to feel like a goals nowadays


2022 was hell of ride. i spending so much time for growing older and wiser. eventhough i have to face so many things that i have never seen before. i called it "maturity process" i realized that sometimes, getting older doesn't means that i should know everything and capable to do many things. it's okay if you haven't figure it out yet, just keep processing. 


Also, it's completely normal that sometimes, life can be so terrifyingly insane. And if all that you can do it's just breathing and surviving,  it's okay, everything's gonna be fine. 


So much happenned in 2022, everyday is getting worse and worse and my turning point was 'laying in my bed and playing space song by beach house at 2 AM' era and thinking that i wasn't good enough for anyone especially myself. I just thinking that

 "Am i become the person that i wanted?", 

"Am i enough?"


Although, being good enough means i have to work much harder than before. i have to face my fear, study much harder than before, balancing my organization life with my academic life, study hard that i don't even have time for sleep, heal from the things that no one ever apologized it to me. Aaahh, being a seventeen is not easy as i thought. 


After all that i've been through in the past 2022, i hope 2023 is a better year for me and everyone. I hope that i can make myself proud of me, i hope that i can make myself become the person that i truly wanted, i hope my parents proud of having me as their daughter.


And for that, my biggest goals this year is accepted to Universitas Padjajaran with report card or snbp (Aamiin yarabb). My next goals are donate some food and money for others, travel to thailand, got 8.0 on ielts test, read at least 50 books, attend to many concert especially john mayer's concert and arctic monkeys's concert, being the best version of myself, become more mature, also living my best life!!


For all the people that feels like life is falling apart, i just wanted you to know that vulnerability feels hard right now but i hope it gets easier to navigate and be open again, and i hope you heal from the things that no one ever apologized for. you deserve to grow new gardens in the wild of your heart. 🦋

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